bless me, ultimaaaaaaaaaa

i know i talk a lot about maturing lately..i don't know why. i guess it comes with the knowledge knowing that all these people i see everyday i will probably never seen again soon :( anyway i can't believe it's the week of thanksgiving already. before i couldn't WAIT until christmas and thanksgiving and now it's impeding on me like a blur. i have so many tests tomorrow though and i'm really stressed out about tests and applications and all that. i want everything to be over with but that means the year will be almost over. it's kinda hard..i hate school...but i don't. there's something comforting about living in my little walnut bubble.

anyway yeah i only talk about stuff liket his when i read something! last year when i read bless me, ultima i HATED it. it was so boring. but anyway i don't know if it's because i'm older, i read the whole book IN A DAY, or just cuz it's the 2nd time i read it, but the book is rather depressing. such a little boy having to deal with so much death and question his religion and faith and all anyone can say to him is "you must choose your destiny, understanding comes with life/growth, blah blah blah." i feel bad for antonio because he enver had a real childhood, and it makes me miss my own childhood. :( it's really sad. anyway i'm glad i've never gone through such crazyness but does understanding really come with growth? i mean it seems like i get more confused as i get older. more questioning, more confusion. i miss the days when the best part of the day was recess and i could ride on the swings and i would go home with my mom and deal with my tons of "homework."

i'm so nostalgic now i disgust myself. anyway thanks a lot rudolfo anaya, i don't fully understand your book but now i am sad and confused! ugh!